Tag: Marjorie Quinn

Fear As Fuel (Editing My Hair)

I think it’s been two years since I’ve gotten my hair cut. Not good. I know. I didn’t know who to go to without spending an exuberant amount of money. But I needed a haircut. The only way my comb made it through my hair was with a lot of tugging and some ripping sounds. I went to the place around the corner and made an appointment. I cut off maybe six inches and it feels good. It feels light, free, maybe a bit wild but looking healthy. I know now I’ll get a comb through it and it will curl more when it dries.

I haven’t had many bad experiences with my hair. I have always been clear about what I want done and so far most have listened. Also, hair grows back and mine grows fast. Why did I wait so long to get my haircut? Fear. Entering a new location, meeting the hair stylist, and sitting in the chair can all be scary. I had to stop avoiding feeling fear.  Just like the writing or editing life. With writing I had to stop fearing rejection, rereading my past work, and cutting writing that didn’t fit even if it sounded good. Fear is there to protect us from pain. There can be more pain never trying. Fear can help writing. It can be used as energy for inspiration. I didn’t think I would have an article this week. I had nothing to write about. This haircut inspirited me and reminded me that I have fears of trusting new people with parts of me but not letting those fears take charge.

While my hair looks good I have learn not to strive for perfection with my writing the first time around. I can continue cringing while reading but not stop editing. There may be a promising sentence that can make all the difference. I might have reached trying to find similarity with life and writing. However, I’m glad I did and do something that scares me. Next time it will be easier.

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Healthy hair on my head.

Ending The Last of Us

Naughty Dog has done it again. I just finished playing The Last of Us on PS3 and I am blown away. Late start, life, and responsibility kept getting in the way but I’m so happy I continued to come back. Seriously once I started playing, I don’t think I had a choice. The story line was amazing.

A fungal infects humans and spreads. Twenty years after the outbreak civilization has dramatically changed. Infected humans are everywhere and survivors turn and kill one another for food, weapons, or whatever they can get there hands on. Joel, a survivor is hired to help Ellie, a fourteen year old girl, travel across country. They meet few people that help along the way but what they face is a dark, brutal journey of infected, renegades, and cannibals.

Without spoilers I will tell you the first 10 minutes of the game will most likely have you in tears. I know I was fighting them back. For the rest of the game the characters and their relationships are developed gradually and with such care that it really helped me feel for them and keep playing. I have to complement Naughty Dog on writing dialog, especially between Joel and Ellie. They share real and touching moments that got me deeply invested. It also lead to some suspenseful scenes. This is not the standard, shoot through everyone, game. You are encouraged to sneak around your enemy. The sneak option left me on the edge of my seat with moments where I forgot I could breath while playing these scenes. (Yeah, I’m one of those type of players.) I just kept saying, “Someone’s going to die”.

One of the hard parts for me was the scene I played Joel, hanging upside down while waves of enemies come at you. I did have trouble with the shooting in this scene and some others. But I’m not always a good shot in any game (Not an expert gamer.) so I really liked the sneak option. It is a kill or be killed sort of world. The violence and killing Joel commits seems like a man who has been doing this job too long. I was shocked by the ending. Warning: SPOILERS. For those who plan to play and/or haven’t finished and are reading this, stop reading here if you don’t want to know the ending. I don’t think I can be vague anymore.

Okay. So, I was expecting a dismal end for one or both of the characters. At the end, some of the things Joel does is just hard to watch. But I understand his state of mind. No longer transporting a package, he is more like a father and he will do anything to protect Ellie. And Ellie trusts and believes everything Joel says because look at all they’ve been through together. Does she know? I don’t think so. I believe Ellie would die to cure humanity and Joel knows. That’s why Joel lies. I was not disappointed. I liked it.

Wow this almost sounded like a review. That wasn’t my intention. I just finished the game and I needed to get all this out.

Writing Fever

I write better at times away from home. Is it the clique atmosphere that makes the brain click and starts it running with poetic verse? Or is it the different location. The place that is not your own. New sensations? If it’s the nature noise and the city quite or the drown of the city’s loud buss and the stillness of the rural areas. Away, the words come. The mind loosens up. There is distance between your T.V. or fast internet and you can’t drift away from the page. The clock’s clicking doesn’t echo or count down but the word count increases.

A Poem By Me

I wrote this a long time ago. I have had it on my Writer’s Café account with very little feedback and since I haven’t posted here enough this month I will share this poem. (Sing song-y nervous). What do you think? General impressions?

Muse

I want to drown in my drink
Let the chilled murky liquid fill my lungs
Weigh my pockets with ice
Numb the fat tongue.

When it’s heavy on my mind
There’s no need to help me find the bottom
Just fill my empty glass
I’m drinking deep.

Hey Bartender give a tip
What was once sugary around the lips
Crystallized to a crust
I’m all tapped out.

How Writing Is like Training A Puppy.

Sunday, my Other and I adopted a puppy. She is a 3 1/2 month mutt and she now has a home with us. We named her Lana. She is gentle, sweet, and starting to get into trouble but we all keep teaching and learning. Even if it would make a good excuse I can’t give up my writing schedule with my new arrival. Instead, I’ve adjusted to writing when she’s napping. (Puppies nap a lot). While going through the puppy training steps I couldn’t help think it’s like the writing process. (Now, bear with me.)

Have a safe place. For Lana, it is her crate, under a table, or behind a Christmas tree. I am happy to report by day three her safe place is her pillow, carpet, and crate. And this shy dog just needs a few minutes to adjust to new situations. For me, it’s my desk, the living room couch, or Starbucks (I like the hustle). I find my distraction is less in these places but it took me some time and experimenting to figure this out. I remember trying a local library once and it was a waste of time for me. One time the librarian working knew me and wanted to chat. I tried to explain what I was doing but it leads to more conversation. Another library I happen to run into someone who remembered me and wanted to catch up. Trail and error but we are finding where we are most comfortable.

Set a schedule. It’s best with a new puppy to set schedule for walking, feeding, and playing/training. With writing it is best to set a schedule, for writing, editing, and story outlining. Maybe morning you write best, and after lunch, you edit the piece from three months ago. Great! Keep it up. You’ll start to notice you write or edit most those times with speed and ease. Both schedules teach the puppy or brain when it is time to do your business.

Be consistent. My puppy is improving every day with her daily schedule of walks, encouragement, and training she has learned her name and where to pee/poop. I constantly struggle with being consistent with my writing schedule but I have been improving. I know I need to keep up writing five days a week (for you maybe writings every other, after or before work) but I seem to do that for a month and stop. But I keep trying and I’ve seen improvement. Also, I see what my writing is like after a long dry spell. Less description and imagination. It is best to keep writing so your brain knows when it’s time to turn on and get those creative juices flowing. Don’t wait for inspiration. Your work will be few and far between. Write every day and inspiration will come more often and when there is paper and pen.

Don’t overdo it. Lana training has gone far in the few days we’ve had her but we have tried to limit what we teach and for how much time. She’s not going to learn anything tired. We try to not train for too long and try to notice when she is tired. A tired puppy won’t learn anything. Don’t want to stop all the good writing vibes but your brain needs time to rest and reboot. Sometimes when I finish writing a scene I put the story away. If I have more ideas in what direction to take the story I’ll write a next section outline and step away. Be patient. By letting my brain rest I find the next day I can write that scene longer and with more excitement then if I kept going. This is not always true. I have written two or more scenes in a row but after many writing sections, I have learned to listen to my writing brain and sense if it’s getting tired and if it can go the distance of the next scene. It’s exciting but remember, it takes time. Don’t want to give up completely because you’ve mistaken overwork for writer’s block.

The puppy is waking up and it’s time for my writing brain to rest. Below is a picture of Lana (the real reason you’ve been reading). Enjoy and continue writing.

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Lana: The New Addition

Struggling

I want to write but when I sit down all that fills my paper is tears. The pen cuts deep. It skips past the words I need and leaves me alone with scribbled mess. No character comes to mine. No scene with the scent of nature or city. No story.
Just tear it up and toss it out. Another useless day. Glassy eyes with mirror reflection of failure. The fight is gone.

Work in progress….general impressions.

Wattpad Or WritersCafe?

I have an account on both sights and I was thinking of using one and deleting the other. I been trying to cut down the number of social site’s I’m a member of and two communities where I can post my creative work seems excessive. Which to keep and which to throw away?

I have posted one poem on WritersCafe and receive a few comments. I was thinking about posting the same poem on Wattpad and see if I get more advice but the “Are you sure you read the terms” pops up and it makes me jumpy. When posting on the net there is always that fear your hard work will be stolen, hated or lost but why is Wattpad making sure I’ve read them? Is there something buried deep in lawyer language saying I’m selling my first born? (Trying to be funny here but seriously is there?) Also, does anyone really ever read the terms and conditions? (Eddie Izzard joke.)

But what to do? Have you experience on either or both writing sites? Which do you like and why?

The Treasure Hunt In The Old Attic

My attic is filled with four generations of stuff. As I’ve been finding mostly paper (old pay-stubs, and black drawing paper) the garbage bags have been filling up. I did find my walker from when I was a baby. (Picture below.) I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with it. I’m thinking about throwing it in the trash but something is causing me to hang on to it. I don’t remember any memories just vaguely remember the design of the seat. It’s not something I can use in the future for a child. The metal surround the vinyl seat looks like it’s ready to collapse into a death trap. I do love the little bumper in the front. The foam feels as if it would make a better shock absorber than the plastic walkers on the market today.

If I keep it do I use it as a Halloween prop from next year’s decorations? Would any museum, store, or production what it since it is only 30 years old? The walker’s not much of an antique. It’s hard giving or throwing away something you know was yours even if it is a stiff old walker.

Just a heads up, the next few post will be objects I have been finding in my attic. I may blog about some found books, or old items/objects. Perhaps there is someone out there that can help explain what some belongings are and what they were used for.

Let the treasure hunt begin. (I finally feel like a Box Car Child.)

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Once My Walker

It’s a First Draft Not A Finished Novel

It’s a First Draft Not A Finished Novel

I’m very proud of my accomplishment. I wrote 45,000-word first draft of a science fiction novel. I’ve told a few people since and I am quite surprised by the majority response. I think most believe I wrote a finished completed work of fiction. The number one reply is, “Have you given it to anyone to read?” They think it’s my number one mistake of why I’m nowhere near publishing. I then have to go into a lengthy explanation that my first draft is a complete mess I never edit as I wrote. I started thinking; do others believe a book, magazine or newspaper article they read is some genus one-time attempt?

The friends who want to read it even though it is not in a ready state. I’m ecstatic to have the support except they think I’m being shy and overprotective of my “baby”. I make note of their names and tell them when I’m ready I’ll send them a copy. To try and bring the point home, all I request is a, don’t worry about hurting my feelings evaluation. In spite of that they want it now.

I recently had to tell a group of people my still developing writing habit. The habit of putting the first draft away for an amount of time, so I can step back to my piece with fresh eyes, and continue to work on it. The retort was still someone can do that for me. I found it hard to explain that I wasn’t nervous about someone reading my work. I love good and bad criticism. Well, perhaps love is the wrong word. Makes it sound like I haven’t had bad criticism that didn’t make me recoil, wince, or shrink. On the contrary, when I stop being emotionally involved in my piece, some of that critique helps me work the story into a stronger quantity.

The other confusing question is, “will I self-publish”. Self-publish? First, I have to explain I’m not writing to publish. I’m writing for myself. There was a time I tried to write for a future famous novel and my writing was non-existence. Now I just try to work and see what comes from the mind. I get strange looks. Next I explain, “I will try and publish a book one day however, that is a step I’ll think about when I get there”.

Second, I express my dream to try going the traditional route before the self-publishing way. Everyone seems to know someone who has self published and has done well. That’s great but it’s not my first move. I think it would be nice to say some publishing house sees brilliance in my work and wants to help support me. Show me the way. I expect generic, mean, or suggestive dismissal in my inbox. Be like the writers I’ve read with their own stacks of rejections before hitting it big.

There are always the suggestions of what I should write. It is a memoir on their life, or a book about crazy women and clueless men with their help. I have to look at them and say, you don’t need me. You sit down and start writing your story, your idea. I may say I’m a writer but it is not limited to me or that person you see on the book covers in the bookstore. It’s your brainchild. Still people think it’s not what they can do.

I’m happy people are proud of the work I accomplished and they want to see me succeed except there is a lot more labor than just the first attempt at writing.

Look At This Mug

A great gift for a wanna be author is this mug I got from my Other for my birthday. A favorite on my Etsy list, now I own. If you want or you know someone who would like fun mugs like this one you should check out LennyMud. All ready it is keeping me company while I try and type all my novel ideas. I am nervous about my clumsy ways but I have promised to use it. Not let it sit up on a shelf as if untouched equals protected.

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I don’t think I will be posting next week since I will be on vacation and I don’t know if the wifi is free where I’m going. Also, I have a belief vacation is to get away from it all and not be working. Also, vacation reminds me how much I love staying off social networks and being away from the stresses of the everyday grind.

Hope everyone has a good week!