Today, 679 words.
I promise I won’t Tumblr (Edit: or WordPress) blog my word count everyday. Maybe just twitter it. Day four and I’m feeling I could keep this pace up. Break the mental fear, procrastination, and whatever else stopping me from writing. And not just writing these little scenes or the days activities and insecurity in my journal but a story that fits together.
Words written today, 664. Editing while writing is one of my offenses but I didn’t go back. Well…okay, I did but I realized rewriting would get me no where in the story so separated the past writing by putting it in parentheses and wrote what I wanted to write from there. Now I have the start of two scenes in the beginning of chapter two but like Hemingway said, “The first draft of anything is shit.” and I just have to keep going. Edit and rewrite at the end.
Today I wrote 439 words. It is said it take 3 weeks to break a habit or instill a new one. I think I’m trying to do both. I would like to have a better writing schedule and continue to sit down for the next 19 days write without whatever stops me getting in the way.
Anyway, I’m proud of day two. Maybe, tomorrow, I’ll stay seated after I run out of images to write and just try to continue…
Think I finally have a story idea and this morning I wrote 339 words towards that idea. I just have two images in my mind. I wrote one image. I don’t know where I’m going after the second one but I just hope I can keep going.
“Do you know what I think? I think you are way out of your depth. Don’t get me wrong, you are— You’re brutal. But I’ve been doing this supernatural stuff a long time now and trust me, grief and revenge are not things to get drunk on. You know I think you wanted wild and Biblical and rawr! But instead you just woke up somewhere unfamiliar with your underwear on back-to-front.”
Annie, Being Human (UK)
“You surround yourself with good people. That’s what you do. Find someone better than you. ‘Cause then when you fail, you have to deal with their disappointment. And that’s what keeps you true.”
Mitchell, Being Human (UK)
I was writing. This night in this car a moment of inspiration struck and I was typing it down on my phone, thumbs moving around the small smooth screen mixing in neighbor letter bringing red lines until my phone died. My inner voice still talked. I took out a pen from my bag but I had no paper. In a moment I started gliding the words out on my hand.
The driver broke in and asked, “why I was writing on my hand?”
I continued to write. “I had all these thoughts in my head and I just felt I had to get them down.”
The driver smirked, “Why don’t you write on paper.”
If I wasn’t in the car I probably would have made a sarcastic comment but all that was said, “I don’t have any and in this moment I hate I have relied on my phone because I stopped carrying paper and now it died.”
The driver asked, “What are you writing?”
I realized I stopped writing somewhere in the talking. I had lost my thought. I couldn’t read my hand to see if the writing could help me get a hold again. The street light was to dim and moved to fast over my palm for me to read and retrace, find, pick up. I forfeit, “Nothing. I lost it when I started explaining.”
I could see the driver was culpable as he said, “Oh. Sorry.”
I held on to the pen and mustered, “it’s find.” But it wasn’t. I felt I lost so much. I don’t know where it went. It seemed so implanted now it was gone. I tried to see in the dark. Tired to read a word with every passing, dim light. My voice said to the driver, to my feelings, “I would have ran out of room.” But I knew I would have kept writing on the back of my hand, and up the arm if I had to. The driver tried to hang on to my distancing self, “You will have to learn to write with your left hand.”
A ‘Click’ shut the pen closed and I shoved it back in my bag.
Tonight I’m up. Don’t know why. When I’m awake I start thinking. Or am I awake because I can’t stop thinking.
Was thinking about traveling. A few weeks ago a cousin was posting picture of their trip in Orlando and my mom and I talked of going. Should I plan a trip now? It would make me happy. Love getting away. Haven’t been to the parks in so long.
Other view is I don’t have a job. No income and no matter how much I look and apply nothing seems to be coming my way anytime soon. Another truth is what happens if I don’t want another Monday- Friday 9-5 job. Bland office with no natural light. Or a window with a view of another building. Or just a cube of tack board. Maybe switch my thinking to maybe working with fun, good people. Making money. Being challenged.
Do I really have a choice?
Need to find a story to write. I write little separate stories. Stories about crazy girls, adventurous animals, or everyday tasks but nothing turns into a novel. I do write better away. Every night I write about my day. Every day I write!
Thinking is my problem. All this thinking about everything and I get no where. Certainly not to sleep. Grrr.
Maybe focus on how I feel happier. Just remember how unhappy I was and how I finally found something inside me (courage, strength, false sense of hope) to be happy.
I’ll most likely delete this later… It’s what I do.
I love when I get lost in my writing and I lose track of time. It just happened now. I think this creative serge has to do with the fact that I cleaned my desk today. Maybe I uncluttered my mind when I uncluttered my desk.
“Why didn’t you? You think I was not strong enough to take it without causing a scene? I assure you, no one is better used to rejection than I, my lord. I think it very churlish of you not to inform me to my face that your breach in manners was an unfortunate impulse of the moment. I deserve some respect. We have known each other long enough for that at the very least.”
Gail Carriger, Soulless
Random Thoughts 
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